Wednesday thoughts!

So as there is no set blogenge topic this week – i thought that i’d take a leaf out of Lynsey’s book and get into the habit of writing something on a Wednesday anyway.

So i’m going to bore anybody who might stumble this way (which is probably no-one) with my ramblings about the music i’ve got going on in my life.

We have orchestra rehearsal every Wednesday (SheffieldSymphony Orchestra) and this concert is going to be a tough one. We’re playing Debussy’s La Mer, Bartok’s Concerto for Orchestra and Poulenc’s Organ Concerto (hilariously the organ soloist is called David Pipe…..you couldn’t make it up!) – all very tricky pieces and it’s going to take a lot of practice on my part to get it right in time!

I’m also doing Handel’s Messiah in a few weeks with a choir that asks me to play for them quite regularly – it’s a dull piece that i must have played a hundred times before but I quite like helping them out……even if it isn’t paid!

And finally – i have discovered a very excellent band recently – they’re called Kill It Kid and their CD is stuck in my machine at the moment – check them out……….if anyone ever actually reads this blog……….

 

anybody………

 

No – oh well…..

20 years ago today i was…..

So the next round – and as you can see the title is fairly self explanitory.

So 20 years ago today i was 12 years old. The 4th of November 1989 was a Saturday, so i was probably watching wrestling (proper wrestling with Big Daddy and Giant Haystacks) with my dad before marking the pools card as the final scores came in. I would then probably have done some violin practice, had tea, had my weekly bath (!) and then watched telly or played a game with the family before going to bed about 8:00 (my bedtime was 8:00 until i was about 14 which was something I hated my parents for at the time!!!!)

Sounds fairly boring to be honest………..luckily this Saturday i will be watching final score on the telly, checking to see if any of my football bets have come in – then i’ll probably do some violin practice, have tea, have a shower and then watch telly (X factor) and play games with some friends before going to bed (a bit later than 8:00 i hasten to add). Much more exciting!!!!

If I wasn’t me, I’d be…..

So i’m afraid more than any other week, life has got in the way of Blogenge this week. I’ve been constantly playing violin recently and will be for the next 2 weeks, plus (normal) work is mental. So, i’ve not even thought about this one until I just sat down at my computer.

My first thought was someone who had won the lottery…….but think that’s a bit of a cop out.

Maybe a famous footballer – but then I don’t think i’d cope with the fame very well.

So if I wasn’t me i’d be………….Danny Elfman. Not famous enough so that many people actually know what i look like and so still able to go out in public without TOO much “celebrity” attention but involved in the music business and working with Tim Burton writing seriously cool music for seriously cool films!And I was the voice of Jack Skellington in The Nightmare Before Christmas……doesn’t get much cooler than that!!

Soundtrack to the movie of my life! Round 6 of the now infamous Blogenge…

So this is my round. My choice, my “thing” – pretty much the simplest 10 minute task ever….! Wrong, wrong and once more your honour, WRONG! Even with an extension of a whole week, I am currently typing this not knowing what the hell i’m going to put.

First, i’ll set the scene. This topic had it’s first germination in an innocent comment to a workmate. “My soundtrack today is a very weird one,” I exclaimed. Only to be greeted by a very blank look and “What?”

So let me explain to you, as I explained to her. I have a soundtrack. Every day. It’s normally only one or two songs that accompany me in every thing I do that day. There are definately recurring songs that come back time after time – like “Happy Talk” from South Pacific which invariably accompanies me when i’m having a crap day and need a way to cheer myself up. And apparently this is not something that everyone has. Am I the exeption or the rule? I don’t know. All I do know is it gave rise to this idea. What would be the songs that would accompany the major parts of my life?

So firstly an admission. As I started thinking on possibilities this topic started morphing into “What Tom Waits songs would be the soundtrack of my life.” So I have had to be firm with myself and limit myself to only one Tom Waits song. Which just makes this all the harder. But enough pontification here is the (made up as I go along) list:

Opening Credits would be Death on Two Legs by Queen. Not only are Queen the band that I have listened to more than any other (and love above pretty much all others) but I can still remember the first time i heard this song and it grabbed my attention. Which is what opening credits should do.

Fight Scene would have to be something that gets my pulse racing and the adrenaline going! Something that makes me clench my fists and want to roundhouse kick the bad guy (whoever that might be!) So it would have to be Killers by Iron Maiden. Kapow (take that Mr Bad Guy). Splat (right in the kisser Mr Bad Guys Henchman) Owwwww!

Love Scene This is where my classical side comes out. Nothing gets me gooey like the 2nd movement of Ravel’s Piano Concerto in G Major. Just 9 minutes of absolute stunning beauty! Gets me all misty eyed….

Death Scene As my wife would tell you, about 98% of my music collection is depressing stuff. I have a theory that I could bore people to tears with, about how listeneing to depressing music makes you a happier person – but I really wont go into that here. There are so many many many possibilities here – and maybe this could be a topic all on it’s own. But for want of something to go here i’ll put the song that has just come on iTunes Nights in White Satin by The Moody Blues. Depressing enought to satisfy my love of morbid music, but with a small amount of upliftingness (if Lynsey can invent words then so can I) to give people hope!

Closing Credits Very aptly I have gone for Closing Time by Tom Waits. It would be a melancholy closing to the film (but then I have just died for goodness sake) but it has a warm fuzzy feeling that would also accompany the watcher all the way home….

So there you have it folks. I have already changed my mind on nearly every song in there so i’m going to press Publish before i’m up all night rewriting this over and over again…….

5 Books That Everyone Should Read

Ok – as my friend Lynsey (and quite a few others who know me well) will tell you, not many people would associate me with literature. And to a point they’re right. I am musical. And definately lent towards Maths and Science at school. I can’t really spell very well, my grammar is not all that it should be, I can never remember what an adverb or an adjective is, and i always have to get Lynsey to check my apostrophes for me.

But what they may not know is before all this happened to me – before I really discovered music, the violin, Maths and Science. I was introduced to books by my Dad. I can still remember (and actually still possess) the  copy of The Hobbit he bought for me when I was very young. Both me and my older brother then proceeded to read his (hardback) copy of Lord of The Rings so many times during our youth that I almost completely ruined it – possibly one of the only things that he never forgave me for! And I don’t blame him.

Sadly I would like to say that I enjoy the classics – some Jane Austin, Dickens, Shakespeare etc. And don’t get me wrong I quite enjoy stuff like that – ‘Of Mice and Men’ is a great book and there are others that I like. But my first and pretty much my only love, is fantasy. With a bit of Science Fiction thrown in. And when people hear Fantasy, they automatically think of Harry Potter (and don’t get me wrong I think they are great books). But Fantasy is much more than that…….so here are the books that, if you want to explore my favorite types of books, I think you should read.

The Lions of Al-Rassan by Guy Gavriel Kay

What Kay has done in his more recent books is take a real life historical event and write a story that happens within that event. Here, it is the story of El Cid Campeador and the struggle between the Catholic Spaniards and the Islamic Moors. But he makes it so much more than that. Kay’s story is more about the characters and the relationship between them than the events themselves and here he has 4 “main” characters that have such depth and complexities that no matter how many times i read this book i can’t fail to get something out of it every time. Possibly my absolute, complete favorite book of all time!

The Warlord Chronicles by Bernard Cornwell

The only reason that Lord of the Rings isn’t on my list (apart from it being terribly cliched) is that I have a slight preference for the King Arthur myths than the world of Middle Earth – it’s a close run thing though! I’ve cheated somewhat here in that these are a trilogy but are basically a brilliant take on the King Arthur myth. They follow Derfel – a warrior of Arthur’s warband, and his “real life” story of this myth. In his take – Lancelot is the bad guy, Guineverre is not much better, and Arthur himself is troubled and deeply flawed. Great writing, great story and some of the best described battle scenes i’ve ever read!

Good Omens by Terry Pratchet & Neil Gaimen

I’ve never been a particular fan of Terry Pratchet – I prefer Robert Rankin when it comes to humouress fiction/ fantasy – but whether it’s to do with Gaimen’s influence or the fact that he is outside his own Discworld creation this book is cryingly funny. I can’t even describe why, or how. But all I would say is – read it!

The Lies of Locke Lamora by Scott Lynch

About three/ four years ago there was a big void in good fantasy books. Thankfully that has changed in recent years and this one is one of the best. It’s the first of a series that the author has hinted might be 7 or more books long, but it is the best fantasy novel i’ve read in a long time! Just a really original story – clever like an episode of Jonathan Creek, dark like a Stephen King Horror, and a world just as imaginative as Tolkeins. I loved every single second of it!

Tigana by Guy Gavriel Kay

I tried so hard not to put two Kay novels in this list, but i just simply couldn’t. I am a slightly over emotional person. Films, music, TV programs and books all make me cry! In fact all of the books i’ve already listed made me cry (Good Omens was tears of laughter but even so….), but this book made me cry over and over and over again. I can’t say too much about it otherwise i’ll be off again but it has magic, romance, music, war and so much more in it’s all too brief pages. I will read this book at least once every two or three years till the day I die – i’m sure of it!

So there you have it folks. I’m afraid it’s not a particularly intellectual list, and i’m sure many people may sniff at the fact that I think these books should be read over Shakespeare and Dickins etc. But they are what I know, what I grew up with and they are, in my humble opinion, books that no matter what you like to read will stir some sort of emotion. And that can only be a good thing.

I think i’m going to start calling it a Challog just to be different!

It’s that time again folks. Yes the next round of the Blogenge is here. And this one is ‘Rubbish Changes to Brilliant Food’ (I’ve got that right Lyns yes?)

Now, I think I’ve said this about every round so far – but this one is going to be tricky. When each of the previous rounds have been announced they have at least conjured up a very small light bulb of an idea as to where to start. This one…….nothing, nada, zip………not a sausage!

So the only thing I can think of doing is trawling my pea sized brain for foods that I like, and then work backwards from there. Not really ideal – but it is quite literally all I have to go on this close to deadline!

So what food do I like? Now that is a much easier question. The only answer to that question for any Usher is……….curry. Curry curry curry curry curry. I would call it the Food of the Gods but they already baggsied Ambrosia and quite frankly their loss is my gain. Now can I think of anything that has been changed to make curry rubbish…….?

No – it just isn’t possible. Curry makes bad food stuff good.

Take cauliflower for an example. As a vegetable accompaniment to a roast, or in the devils food that is known as Cauliflower Cheese it is vile. Worse than vile. In a curry – mmmm mmmm – bring me some second helping of that sweet Aloo Gobi! Cucumber Raita – bring it on (although only in small amounts – it’s one thing making cauliflower palatable – but cucumber barely qualifies as a food stuff as far as I’m concerned!)

Anyway I’m getting carried away talking about curry and I need to focus! So what I require is a food stuff not quite as nice or wonderful as curry……..mmmm curry……..!

So one of my other favourite food stuffs is cheese (how about cheese in curry…..mmmmmmmmmmmmm!) I like a good hard cheese – Edam, Jarlsberg etc. but my favourite of all has to be a good mature, British Cheddar! Now somewhere along the line someone must have thought that marketing cheese to children made sense – and I’m all for it. It’s good for you, tasty and doesn’t contain loads of “bad stuff”. Great idea! Then, said marketing person must have gone to his chefs – and it all went horribly wrong from there………and Cheese Strings were born. Look kids you can pull it apart into thinner strips – whoopdie frickin’ do! They may as well have put some plasticine into a pack and sold that. It would probably taste the same, and may well have more nutritional value than those tasteless bits of crap! And besides anything else, I was always told as a kid “Martin, don’t play with your food”, “Eat it Martin, don’t play with it”, “You’ll be eating that in the cellar if you don’t stop pushing it round your plate like it’s a football young man.” And what do Cheese Strings do – actively encourage kids to play with their food…..my father would turn in his grave!

Anything else I can think of, well actually yes there is. When I was a young lad (no jokes please) I worked of an evening in the local sweet shop – best job ever – it really was! And this was an old fashioned sweet shop – it had (and still does) two full walls of jars filled with sweets that you can buy quarters or halves of. Things like Yorkshire Mixture, Cough Candy Twists, Rhubarb and Custards – proper sweets. Now many (not all thankfully) of these have changed over the years and mostly for the worse as far as I’m concerned. Sports Mixture no longer have the liquorice flavoured black sweets – they’ve changed them to blackcurrant – because the youth of today are two namby-pamby to deal with a non fruity sweet. Acid drops got smaller and then pretty much dropped out of all existence. You can’t get fireball gobstoppers anymore – you know the ones you had to take out of your mouth because your cheeks were losing layers of skin whilst you ate them? Sherbet Fountains no longer come in cardboard tubes with the liquorice sticking out of the end – they come in resealable plastic tubes so that there more hygienic! Boo-urns to them all.

My final thought is not so much a ‘rubbish change to a brilliant food’ but a general observation on something, that a trip to the supermarket with a friend (I think it was you Lynsey?) highlighted to me quite some time ago. I was on the tinned vegetable’s isle and had on my list – a tin of tomatoes. Simple, yes? Guess again. They had tomatoes with herbs, tomatoes with garlic, tomatoes with anchovies, tomatoes with pretty much any other thing I could buy in that same supermarket. If I wanted it adding – I can friggin well do it myself. I’ll BUY some garlic, chop it up and add it to the tin of tomatoes thanks……….except I couldn’t find just a plain old tin of tomatoes……madness!

Lights, Camera and………..Action!

So, in light of the fact I was a day late with Blogenge round 1, and then didn’t read the title of Blogenge round 2 correctly, I am not aiming for the wittiest, or the most interesting round 3. I simply want to write an entry that doesn’t get me into trouble with Lynsey! Here’s hoping……

So the Blogenge round 3 is – In a movie of your life who would play you, your love interest, your best friend, enemy and parents.

 OK so after making a mess of the last round at least I know who will play me – Charlize Theron right? Wrong! This is a movie, and Charlize was someone who was like me in personality, but not looks (I have much better legs than her for a start.) And the whole point of character actors is that they can take on my personality – they don’t need to actually be like me in real life.

 So therefore I want someone who looks like me and is also an actor. Well that’s simple………..Brad Pitt isn’t it?

 Okay okay, I’ll admit that I’m no Brad Pitt (as my wife constantly reminds me) and there is only one person who can play me. I tried desperately not to go for the obvious, to come up with something apart from what everyone expected, but there really is no getting away from the fact that I look like Ralph Little. I act quite a lot like him as well, so there really could be no one else to play me.

 Now to cast the other roles, starting with my love interest. Now let’s be honest. In terms of movie clout, Ralph is not exactly going to attract the international market so I need to be canny here. I need an actress with stunning good looks to play my wife (obviously!) but she also has to be a global star, have a wicked sense of humour and big knockers. So that leads me to – Drew Barrymore. Easy!

 My best friend is going to be somewhat tricky. I need someone who captures the many traits of all my best friends, so it needs to be someone able to take on multiple roles. I had a number of thoughts around this. Eddie Murphy was the obvious one – as he is used to playing multiple roles in the same films etc. But I felt that Eddie wasn’t quite right – a bit too brash for a best friend – he wouldn’t be happy playing second fiddle to Ralph and so I have ruled him out. Mike Myers and Peter Sellars were also considerations but were dismissed for similar reasons. So who is to play the pivotal role Martin? I hear you cry. Well none other than Andy Serkis. Not only did he prove what a talented actor he was when playing (with the help of CGI) Gollum in the Lord of The Rings Trilogy but he also has many other great credits for his character acting and would bring all the required traits of my friends to life brilliantly!

 This casting lark is easy! Next – my enemy. As anyone who knows me will tell you, I’m a fairly affable chap. So for someone to be my enemy they would have to be fairly evil. And mean. And nasty. And I can’t think of anyone that scares the living bejesus out of me more than Steven Berkoff. I’m sure he’s a really nice man but he just looks mean, and scary and like a baddy!

 Finally it’s my parents. Straight away I know who would play my dad. At times grumpy, at other times one of the funniest men I’ve met. And he did silly walks. So therefore it can only be John Cleese! The only difference is that John Cleese is tall and my dad was not – but they can work wonders with CGI these days! My mum would be slightly trickier. I need an actress who is a national treasure (because my mum is one of those – although don’t tell her I said that), slightly batty, and has to be a Geordie. And I can only think of one person who comes close to that and it has to be Denise Welch. She would definitely bring the right characteristics to the role of my mum.

 So there you have it folks. With such a strong cast (casting director – Martin Usher), a wonderfully rich and entertaining script (Screenplay – Martin Usher), a magical soundtrack (Composer – Martin Usher) and stunning direction (Director – Martin Usher) this film is a dead cert for an Oscar. So get those donations rolling in and let’s make this baby!

It’s been bugging me for days…..

In this current economic climate is a bird in the hand still worth two in the bush?

Blogenge Part 2

Right so onwards to Blogenge (it’s a mixture of Blog and challenge see?) Round 2 – which celebrity do you most resemble and why?

 This one is not so much difficult, but almost impossible for me. Firstly it’s not which celebrity do you look like, which would be easy (Ralph Little apparently), it’s personality and characteristics that we’re after. This would require some semblance of self analysis, which is something I’ve studiously avoided for a good 32 years. Secondly I don’t really know that much about celebrities. So this could be car crash blogging folks!

 Ok – so where to start………well one thing that all my friends say about me is that I’m competitive. I like to win and I get a strop on when I don’t. You name it – sports, quizzes drinking games – I like to be the best, which is a constant source of amusement to many of my friends, especially when they beat me at something and I start getting a bit narky. In fact there is a famous incident when playing squash against Lynsey’s hubby James, where he insists that I threw my racket at him when I lost. I would just like to take this opportunity to set the record straight – I didn’t throw it at him as such, it just so happened that he was near the line of fire when I threw it at the wall.

 So there we have it folks – I’m competitive. Now to the second part of my devious plan for this Blogenge (it’s a mixture of……..oh never mind…..) – google! Just type the search parameters into google “competitive celebrity” and wait for the perfect match to appear…….

 Mmm – the only name that came up on the first page of results was Simon Cowell, and although I have his charm, wit and female magnetism, I wear my trousers at the correct height and my teeth don’t glow in the dark, so I may need more parameters before my perfect match appears.

 Ok so I need more personality traits. Well I suppose I am quite short tempered and get irritable at quite a lot of things. For example bad driving, stupidity, lack of manners, eating with your mouth open, talking with your mouth full, people who litter, people who spit, old people paying bills/ cashing in lottery tickets at lunchtimes when all I want to do is buy a packet of crisps, service charge on a restaurant bills, people who say 110% and hiccups!!!! And this is just a scratch on the surface folks!

 So back to google I go. Search parameters “irritable competitive celebrity”…….and the only name that comes up on the first page is……Elton John. Now much as I’d like to think my musical genius was perhaps up there with the likes of old Elton, I feel that there may be too much else that we don’t share for this to be a good match. Hmm, maybe if I try “short tempered competitive celebrity”. First result – Gordon Ramsay. Now this is a bit more like it – we also share a love of cooking and we were both talented footballers in our youth. Apart from the fact he’s a highly successful business man (depending on which newspaper you read) I think that would be classed as an 80% match. So getting closer then!

 Maybe if I add one more parameter. Ah ha –I’d like to think that I’m quite a friendly person so lets add that into the mix and here it is folks, this is the one, whatever comes up here we’re going with and it is………Charlize Theron.

 So there you have it folks. I’m a bit like Simon Cowell, perhaps share something with Elton John, quite a lot like Gordon Ramsay but most like Esquire’s sexiest women of 2007 Charlize Theron.

 Well you learn a new thing every day!

I’m in trouble already….!

So the aforementioned setter of the blog task set a deadline for submitting said task. It was yesterday. She’s not angry with me – just disappointed. I’d better make sure my spelling and apostrophes are all correct otherwise our lifelong friendship may not survive her wrath!

So to the (late) blogenge (it’s a mix of blog and challenge see? Apparently that’s how we’re referring to it now….)

It wasn’t an easy one – in fact it was damn hard not to just put a list of my favorite films. Some of the films on this list would in fact get in my top five favorite films, but i think that’s a cross over that is unavoidable with a task like this. Like the taskmaster my friend Lynsey, I have some nearly made it films. Leon – if only for Gary Oldman as the scariest film “baddy” ever. Star Wars – just cos i’m a big kid. The Godfather, The Shawshank Redemption, The Dark Knight and it could go on and on…..! But here is the list:

1. Top Hat – What else can I say but Fred Astaire was a genius. Ginger wasn’t bad either. And with music by the utterly amazing Irving Berlin this film is just out of this world. Fred is remembered mainly for his dancing, but that man couldn’t half sing either – not in a virtuosic way – but with lyricism, phrasing and style! My suggestions would be watch it alone on a lazy winters afternoon, and just get swept away by the lovely nostalgic warmth that this film has.
2. Once Upon a Time in the West – Everything about this film is quality. The acting, the script, the film making and the music. Every scene is utterly compelling and done with such attention to detail. Many people have told me that they don’t like Westerns –it doesn’t matter. The craft that Leone wields in the filming, the passion in Morriconne’s score and the performances of Bronson and Fonda especially, mean that this is a film that nobody should get away with not seeing.
3. Grizzly Man – I don’t really know what to say about this film. It’s not particularly comfortable viewing. In fact parts of it still haunt me to this day. It is a documentary about a man who had serious mental health issues, but believed he could do something good for the animals that he loved. Was he misguided in doing what he did – did he in fact do more damage than good? Herzog treats the subject of Treadwell’s life with gentle respect and Treadwell’s footage itself is beautiful and yet disturbing. Ultimately the film is really about the man – and his ultimately tragic attempts to cross the line between man and nature.
4. Happy Gilmore – This is on my list simply because it’s a funny film. And laughter is such a big part of my life that I feel I should have a funny film on my list. And it’s about golf. It’s not clever comedy (it’s Adam Sandler after all), it’s not thought provoking in any way what so ever. It’s just laugh out loud funny.
5. Psycho – This one is purely because everyone should see a Hitchcock movie. In my opinion no one has ever done more for film making in general – but especially not for the horror genre, than him. Darkly humorous at times, devastatingly good at building tension to unbearable levels and just had an eye for what makes a horror scary. Just watch the last few scenes of the film and try not to be chilled to the bone. Brilliant brilliant brilliant.

So there it is. 5 films that I think everyone should see………..so what are you still reading this for…….go and get the DVD player fired up!